When the blue frog was very young, a thought would often worry her .... why is it that I am unable to express what I want and what I think as clearly as my sisters and brothers? All of us have the same parents and the same family .... then what is different? A bigger doubt was, do I want anything at all or was I born with an inability (disability?)?
So she prepared herself inside, to give before being asked... was it because she "wanted" that people should know her wants without her having to ask or was it that she feared that noone would really need to ask her for anything or was it that she knew what she wanted could not be gained by asking?
feeding time, when all would gather to eat, she would be away on a distant rock... musing and wondering if she should join or not. when all others would rush to see new things and sights, she would stray away to a leafy corner, searching for little wonders she was sure the world was full of.
when all others would adorn themselves in spring colours and fashions, she would resist and say she is happy in her autumn browns. was she unhappy? no... she was happy in her own world, hesitant and even unwilling to join in the large world that stretched outside her.... she imagined a world with more than the three primary colours... a world where she could gaze forever and which would not need to be discovered, understood, analysed, possessed or lost.
in her world, were people, animals, birds, plants, rocks, mountains, rivers, seas, volcanoes, jungles, deserts and the earth.... then what was different? Nothing by way of features... only the relationships, the dynamics and the dependencies were different... every being was separate and yet connected with everything else. she could speak to a pebble as easily as she could to the deer or to the path. they would know and they would react too.... nothing was any one's own and noone was any one's own .... everything and everyone was related..
as she grew older, she would often ask, it is natural to want a partner as I am told constantly ... who do I want? she would dream of a partner, one who would not be hers and who would not want to her to be his, but be there with her .... as were the rocks, the paths, the forests, the beings, the rivers and the earth... that she felt by the standards of the world around her was too much to ask, so she went her way alone, not explaining and not expecting...
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Wanderings
The blue frog set out one day many moons and many seasons ago... when it was still possible to wander about without any id or papers to prove not only who but also why of her journey. As she hopped and meandered over dry leaves, ground swells, pot holes and pits.... she wondered why is it that I am not as happy as others in their little ponds? Why am I drowning in this desire to go, keep going... is it a need to see or to know or to meet others?
it is not as if she had great wherewithal to go on her roundabouts ... her short stature, shorter legs, a stamina nothing to write home about and her poverty ... she was not a probable candidate at all for a roaming traveller. Then, why???? She could not answer this, so she just let it go, imagining instead the world of great travellers in times past and revelling in their experiences.
Buddha, she pondered was a great one ... sat in meditation in one spot with five other seekers for many months in search of a truth that eluded him and a search that emaciated him.... what did drive him to leave the way but yet keep up the search? When he had a chance to return to the comfort of the familiar, why did he press on the to find the Bodhi tree and found a place where he could still himself for few more weeks.,,, was it his sense of having reached his destination or his sense of finding a good place to start searching?
Having attained nirvana, he walked the next many years all over the lands and kingdoms.... walked across miles and miles spreading a message and gathering good will and good people... why did he not think of sitting in lovely garden of Sravasthi or the alluring town of Sarnath where the multitudes from far and wide would have flocked to him as they did everywhere he went? Even at 80+, sensing that his time had arrived, he walked all the way from Vaishali to the far away Kushinagar, where exhausted from a dinner of rotten meat, he lay down to give up his earthly body?
The blue frog, little and insignificant as she is, wanders and wonders on.....
it is not as if she had great wherewithal to go on her roundabouts ... her short stature, shorter legs, a stamina nothing to write home about and her poverty ... she was not a probable candidate at all for a roaming traveller. Then, why???? She could not answer this, so she just let it go, imagining instead the world of great travellers in times past and revelling in their experiences.
Buddha, she pondered was a great one ... sat in meditation in one spot with five other seekers for many months in search of a truth that eluded him and a search that emaciated him.... what did drive him to leave the way but yet keep up the search? When he had a chance to return to the comfort of the familiar, why did he press on the to find the Bodhi tree and found a place where he could still himself for few more weeks.,,, was it his sense of having reached his destination or his sense of finding a good place to start searching?
Having attained nirvana, he walked the next many years all over the lands and kingdoms.... walked across miles and miles spreading a message and gathering good will and good people... why did he not think of sitting in lovely garden of Sravasthi or the alluring town of Sarnath where the multitudes from far and wide would have flocked to him as they did everywhere he went? Even at 80+, sensing that his time had arrived, he walked all the way from Vaishali to the far away Kushinagar, where exhausted from a dinner of rotten meat, he lay down to give up his earthly body?
The blue frog, little and insignificant as she is, wanders and wonders on.....
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