chronicles of the blue frog 2

When the blue frog was very young, a thought would often worry her .... why is it that I am unable to express what I want and what I think as clearly as my sisters and brothers? All of us have the same parents and the same family .... then what is different? A bigger doubt was, do I want anything at all or was I born with an inability (disability?)?

So she prepared herself inside, to give before being asked... was it because she "wanted" that people should know her wants without her having to ask or was it that she feared that noone would really need to ask her for anything or was it that she knew what she wanted could not be gained by asking?

feeding time, when all would gather to eat, she would be away on a distant rock... musing and wondering if she should join or not. when all others would rush to see new things and sights, she would stray away to a leafy corner, searching for little wonders she was sure the world was full of.
when all others would adorn themselves in spring colours and fashions, she would resist and say she is happy in her autumn browns. was she unhappy? no... she was happy in her own world, hesitant and even unwilling to join in the large world that stretched outside her.... she imagined a world with more than the three primary colours... a world where she could gaze forever and which would not need to be discovered, understood, analysed, possessed or lost.

in her world, were people, animals, birds, plants, rocks, mountains, rivers, seas, volcanoes, jungles, deserts and the earth.... then what was different? Nothing by way of features... only the relationships, the dynamics and the dependencies were different... every being was separate and yet connected with everything else. she could speak to a pebble as easily as she could to the deer or to the path. they would know and they would react too.... nothing was any one's own and noone was any one's own .... everything and everyone was related..

as she grew older, she would often ask, it is natural to want a partner as I am told constantly ... who do I want? she would dream of a partner, one who would not be hers and who would not want to her to be his, but be there with her .... as were the rocks, the paths, the forests, the beings, the rivers and the earth... that she felt by the standards of the world around her was too much to ask, so she went her way alone, not explaining and not expecting...